Solo
I passed through Ichigaya Station, which is known for its adjacent fishing pond and the scent of summer and blooming cherry blossoms in spring, and entered the café at the Sony headquarters. During a meeting about how to present the photos I had taken abroad, the topic of "solo activities" came up, and that marked the beginning of everything. At first, I tried to find a way to release it under the band's name, but the idea was rejected as it didn't align with the personal aspect.
However, as a music label, we couldn't sell it in the form of a photo book. After exploring various possibilities, we arrived at a work called "film A moment". It combined Scottish photographs, Irish film photography, 8mm footage, and solo-created music as a travel essay. It was a moment when I stepped into uncharted territory. With a borrowed 8mm camera making a rattling sound, I headed towards a destination without a clear purpose. In the wilderness, only the shutter sound of the film and the 8mm noise echoed. The unfamiliar 8mm camera didn't even let me know if it was capturing anything, but I kept filming relentlessly. Released in 2011 with the participation of band members, this work marked the beginning of my solo career, although there were no live performances at that time. It was merely a name change for the product to be released under a solo identity.
The full-fledged solo live performances began in 2011 when Nakano-kun's hip condition worsened, and we decided to take a break from band activities without making it public. During the tour just before the hiatus, my foot got caught during the intro of "Vivid Murder," and the song stopped multiple times during the live performance in Toyama. No one in the audience should have known what was happening, but because we had been running non-stop, it must have been a physical limit. I ended the live performance with the energy to blow away that feeling on stage.
I don't have a clear memory of having that conversation, but I feel like we all sensed the severity that couldn't be put into words. To avoid making a fuss, without announcing the physical discomfort or the hiatus, we chose the option of not scheduling any live performances.
What was I thinking back then? While loosely creating instrumental tracks that couldn't be released publicly due to contractual reasons, I began to have a longing for something that couldn't be expressed only through the band. I wanted to seek the direction of my music somewhere, without having to fill everything with tension and sharpness. It made me realize the fascination of shaping myself through encounters with others. The band's hiatus was just a trigger, but as my own vector gradually shifted in that direction, I started to see various aspects of the concept of solo more clearly.
Although I announced a hiatus for the band, there were various obstacles to embarking on solo activities. While there were staff members who believed in the potential of my solo career, there were also concerns about the negative impact on the band if the solo endeavor didn't go well, leading to opinions like "we don't want you to release anything." Both perspectives stemmed from the love and affection for me and the band, but I feel that they were greatly influenced by the perception of solo projects at the time.
Generally, solo projects tend to receive less attention compared to the main projects and there was a concern among the staff about becoming too niche. The positive perspective that solo activities can liberate from the framework of the band and bring new inspiration was not widely embraced back then. Moreover, the fact that my first release was a photo book and a collection of 8mm film videos may have added further anxieties. Through this prolonged exchange, I realized that solo activities were something difficult for others to accept. I'm sure many fans of various artists have experienced similar challenges.
The way fans viewed us, such as our major label transition in 2008, the start of my solo activities in 2011, and the first tie-up with an anime in 2012, seemed to have a somewhat similar pattern within us. In our music activities, we clearly distinguished between "things we want to do" and "things we don't want to do," so there were solid reasons to approach these turning points with special dedication.
Sometimes, there are things we avoid or dislike, but there are also things we want to obtain within them. It's strange how we can touch a new side of ourselves. While I wasn't originally inclined to broaden my perspective, when my gaze turned in that direction, I started to carefully observe it. I firmly consider the reasons for not wanting to do something. It's curious how by flipping things around, we can bring ourselves closer to what we desire. As someone who is generally uncomfortable being photographed, there have been occasions when I met a photographer and thought, "I want to see myself through their viewfinder."
Even now, I'm grateful to the staff who strongly pushed forward the project, disregarding various concerns and saying, "You should try doing solo." The path to reach a place that seemed unasked for by anyone felt incredibly challenging. At that time, when I hadn't clearly envisioned what solo meant, their push felt like an invitation to dive in, and it had an immensely significant impact.
After numerous discussions, following "film A moment," I released my first solo album, "flowering," in 2012. If my time in the UK before forming Ling Tosite Sigure was a turning point, then surely all the processes involved in "film A moment" and "flowering" have shaped my solo activities.
Perhaps it was due to my persistent obsession with my music, but since then and up until now, I have been fortunate to receive a wide range of tie-up and music production offers. In 2021, the theme song "unravel" for the anime "Tokyo Ghoul" became the "most-streamed Japanese artist song" on Spotify. My mother praised me a little.
For the band, it was #4 . For me as a solo artist, it was film A moment.
I still savor the miracle of the moment I first experienced being captured in a tangible form. Even now, I sometimes yearn for my former self.
Original content in japanese from ddnavi (Japan IP only)
Further reading:
Comentarios